What is life?

I constantly hear people sigh "What is life?" and now of course (as you can tell by my previous posts my brain works in a funny way) it has got me thinking what does this shrug of the shoulders quote really mean?
Are we genuinely asking "What is life? " 'Why were we made?" What are we meant to do here?" Or are we literally just putting our middle finger up to the world and thinking I am so done with today!
I use my "What is life?" mostly when I'm thinking the second option...but saying that, it really does make me think what are we meant to be doing with our lives?
I know you must read multiple posts on Facebook or Twitter stating how we aren't just here to work our asses off and then die! No really?! I would never have guessed that... Wow what a lovely world we must live in that allows us to live how we want and not work and then die, how brilliant! Well im not sure about you guys but I don't think that lovely world really exists.
I'm not sure if it shocks anyone else as much as me when I see or hear the things that are still happening today in this century that should have become extinct years and years ago. Like seriously?! Everyone keeps banging on about how 'times are changing' but look at the real issues here.
Domestic abuse, poverty, the boundaries between rich and poor are all still around us, STILL in the 21st century we have these problems! Problems that shouldn't have even been around in the first place.
Now my goal in life is to help people. I believe that is the most important thing anyone can ever do. Each and every one of us, our life purpose should be to help people. If everyone had that mindset do you think we would still be having these problems? I believe not.
Find a goal. Choose it. Life it. Help others, be kind, share your life, try and make people happy and maybe then you can stop asking yourself...
"What is life?"

Relationships.

Relationships are hard.
I'm not just talking about the lovey ones, I'm talking about the friends ones, the family ones, even the pet ones.
The issue we all have is this thought- All good things must come to an end. This saying terrifies me more than anything.
Yes I seem to be a serial attachment freak who gets far too emotional because I am easily upset by anything....So do you think this makes my relationships with people easy?
It doesn't and for a very long time I struggled with accepting that.
Even though I have just stated the negatives, I must also state the positives. I put so much effort in. I constantly try my best to make people feel comfortable around me, to make people want to see me, to give people those little gestures that make them feel all warm inside with the feeling that someone knows them really well. But sometimes putting all my effort into something doesn't always pay off. Sometimes it causes arguments because I expect the other half of the relationship to put all their effort in too...and this isn't always the case.
I have a special kind of love for my parents and my partner, a love that makes me feel amazing but also makes me sick to my stomach with worry. I could not ever face loosing these relationships. Nothing would ever compare to that gossip session with your mum, that outdoor adventure with your dad and those lovely little cuddles with your partner. Loss makes me more terrified than love.
This is why with every relationship I try and put all the effort in I can. I pay my full attention to the people I love the most and I try my hardest to make sure they come first always and that they have the majority of my time, because even though relationships are hard, they are the most rewarding things anyone could ever have.

Life decisions.

As many of you may have guessed by now, mental health is very important to me and it makes me feel really sad when young adults have to make huge decisions about their life choices when they have hardly experienced enough of life to know what they want and need.
Based on my own experiences, this year has proven to be a real educational struggle, I found it extremely difficult to pass my driving test and even harder to get into Uni.
But one of the most important things that all this has taught me is that I am passionate about mindfulness and well being. Even in the midst of all these doubts and hardships there is one thing that will always stand out to me as the most important- mine and my families health.
Just be thankful for your health even if you think there is nothing else to praise. Be thankful that you can do something with your life purely because you are living. Be thankful that you have not messed up so badly that it resulted in your life being taken, because as long as we are living we can do things, little things or really big things, things that just make us and the people that matter to you...happy.
I always get lost in my thoughts which is why my posts seem like I'm rambling but I want people to understand how important it is that your brains thinks and acts healthily. This is why I believe that mental health awarness and practice should be made compulsory on the national curriculum. Methods to help people understand why they may get stressed, methods to help people cope in tough situations, methods that allow people to train their brain to think differently allowing them to become more beneficial to them. These methods are just as important as learning about maths or science. You cannot succeed in educational practices without having a healthy mind also. It is so important that children learn from a young age how to control their thoughts and emotions to benefit them and keep them healthy. There are so many social anxities now that I really dont think children of the future are going to be able to cope without learning these practices to ensure that they have a healthy mindset which is what's needed to make crucial decisions that will impact their future.
I will always do my best to make people see how good it is to teach others about mindfullness but at the same time I am a hypocrite. I hardly ever practice what I preach but I am learning and I want to teach others that too. I want to teach children that mindfulness is a vital way of modern life... and I hope that one day in the future this world will let me.

How I feel about myself... The truth and nothing but the truth.

You will never truly be happy until you love yourself.
I hate myself.
As a person I really do not like myself. I don't like how I get so grumpy so easily, I don't like the way I make myself anxious about literally anything! I don't like how I force myself to worry about everything even though there is literally nothing to worry about, I don't like the way I cannot just enjoy the moment...I have to find something wrong with it. No, I do not like myself.
I do not like how I fail so easily, how I give up, how I do not try, how my common sense seems to be non existent and I make silly mistakes that any normal person could have swerved sideways around. No, I do not like myself.
I do not like my thoughts. I do not like how they control my life and my mind, I do not like how I compare myself to so many other people and make myself seem not good enough to have a place among them. I do not like how I always tell myself there must be more, THERE MUST BE MORE! I need something new, I need to create something else for myself, when really I don't.
So yes, I do not like myself. But for me, I know that to be truly content with my life I must start loving myself, turn that hate into something positive and thrilling! I must start loving every single thing I have, whether it be a duvet cover or a necklace, everything that I take for granted I must start loving.
I was made ME for a reason. Yes, I have issues, but they are MY issues. I have created them and therefore I must do everything I can to try and defeat them. No matter how hard anyone else tries, they cannot take them away from me. They are MINE to defeat...and when the time comes, defeat them I shall.
People love me, yes that is extremely big headed, but be big headed I want to see you loving yourself for you! If other people can love the person that I am, whether I'm at my worst or my best, then I can learn to love myself.

My finishing quote is taken from the one and only Kanye West:

"Everything I'm not, made me everything I am."

Happy reading!

Soppy post because I like a bit of cheese! (Not for the faint hearted)

At heart I am a hopeless romantic, always going out of my way to try and be the best girlfriend I can possibly be but it is HARD and tiring and sometimes you just want to put a zip around your partners mouth and send him to the circus, but on other days they are the reason why all your worries decide to float away with the wind...So here is a little something about L.O.V.E...

Have you ever wondered what it's like to be in love? Well here it goes...
It's the stereotypical things, wanting to spend all your time with that person, wanting to always be by their side, wanting to have that moment every night where you can lay next to each other and talk about random stuff but to you that stuff is so important because it's what you share with them.
Every tear you cry they will try their hardest to catch. Every fake smile they will turn from stone to sunshine. When you want to give up they will push your back up that hill and lift each leg of yours over those hurdles and why? Because they have that feeling for you that they cannot describe and even if they could it would never do it enough justice.
That four letter word means something so powerful. It's like a forceful gust of wind that's pushing you back when all you want to do is get closer and closer to it because even though it's tough it is yours and it's what you crave.
Your heart is magical. The fact that it can feel love and not shatter into thousands of tiny pieces is utterly breath taking. Even though it's a muscle that pumps the blood around your body, love is what sparks that flame inside of you.

Originally, I started my little book of quotes to pass down to my children so whenever they feel anxious or upset they can read through it in the hope that my writing will make them feel better. Somehow I don't think my little diary will be powerful enough in the future to help with the extreme disasters of the world...but for now let's hope it'll bring some peace to at least my mind and possibly yours. For whenever my child or even my sister finds their first love I just wanted to leave them with this quote:

"The person who takes all your pain away is the person you should be with...And stay with."

Happy reading!

For those who worry...

Please stop.
Stop trying to rush everything! It will happen when it happens.
Life is here to test us and if we break then we are clearly too fragile for this World and yes it will laugh at us when our backs are turned. (Don't let it.)

IF you fail, you fail! So will it affect the rest of your life? No! Because you can always pick yourself straight back up from any downfall that you may experience, you just have too. This World wasn't made for the weak, the weak get eaten alive by their own feelings merely because they have no will power to FIGHT!
So you've been let down, so you've been disappointed, that is not under any circumstances what YOU are made of! Do you really think that the human race has lasted this long by panicking themselves into a state of utter distress? By worrying about letting other people down? By fear? No!
I repeat, life is a test. But it is a test that you must succeed in, not for yourself and not even for the people around you. You must succeed to show the World that you are not afraid, to show life that you have no boundaries to abide too, to show that you can overcome all obstacles in that everlasting hurdle race...Purely because you can.

As always, to finish off this post I will insert a quote that my boyfriend bestowed upon me when I was going through a constant cycle of anxiousness:

"There's no point in getting stressed over it, if you fail f*** it! Just do it again."

Happy reading!

Do what you want.

Hi hunny buns,
For anyone who has taken the time to read this I appreciate you and all that you do.
Just to have one persons support a day can mean a lot to anyone, but what happens when that support becomes too intense and you feel like you are never making your own decisions?
Then you must take a step back and think:
1. Does it really matter? No its all bull**** (The words of my dad who is my idol)
and 2. What do I want?

Just let me tell you doll whatever you want you go and get!

I now live by the quote that was in my last post, "This life isn't a rehearsal." Every single day that we live we can never get back. It is the 14th of August 2016, I will never get this day back again so how I choose to live it is really important (but not so important that you stress yourself out!) Now this doesn't mean "OH MY GOD I MUST DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE EVERYDAY"- I used to think this and it gets you nowhere. No it purely means don't do something you don't want to do. You want to stay in your bed all day, relax and watch Netflix? You do that! You want to see your family for the day? You do that! You want to get drunk? You do that! (Within moderation hehe). As long as it is YOUR decision, you can do whatever you want to do.

I was always really excited about turning 18 and as soon as I did I was like s*** take me back to being 7 again where I could play in a park all day without worrying about getting home to cook dinner! Adult life is scary, making decisions is super scary, having responsibilities is even scarier!! But taking one hurdle at a time allows you to win the race and let me tell you alright, anxiety is the hardest contestant you will ever run against in your whole life. But don't dwell on it my friend, just keep trying. If you are doing what you want to do then don't worry about anything else.

Now I am being such a hypocrite here (gasp) because I currently am not doing what I want to do and I cannot decide what exactly it is that I want to do! But that doesn't mean I am not trying. That little squeaking hamster in my head is running full speed on that wheel day and night and I'm trying to tell him to stop and rest but no...because he is not ready to and that means neither am I until I find what is right for ME. Sometimes you have to be selfish to find out what you want and what is right for you but at the end of it all, if you are happy you will make the others around you happy too, you will radiate positive vibes and YOU will become the sunshine of someone's life- just like I'm sure you are of there's.

To round this post off I would like to finish with another quote from my dad. He is the reason why I believe mindfulness is so important in this life and he is the only person who truly understands just how much my anxiety gets in the way of making the simplest of decisions:

"Just laugh at yourself and say...You really are a dickhead!"

Happy reading!