Do what you want.

Hi hunny buns,
For anyone who has taken the time to read this I appreciate you and all that you do.
Just to have one persons support a day can mean a lot to anyone, but what happens when that support becomes too intense and you feel like you are never making your own decisions?
Then you must take a step back and think:
1. Does it really matter? No its all bull**** (The words of my dad who is my idol)
and 2. What do I want?

Just let me tell you doll whatever you want you go and get!

I now live by the quote that was in my last post, "This life isn't a rehearsal." Every single day that we live we can never get back. It is the 14th of August 2016, I will never get this day back again so how I choose to live it is really important (but not so important that you stress yourself out!) Now this doesn't mean "OH MY GOD I MUST DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE EVERYDAY"- I used to think this and it gets you nowhere. No it purely means don't do something you don't want to do. You want to stay in your bed all day, relax and watch Netflix? You do that! You want to see your family for the day? You do that! You want to get drunk? You do that! (Within moderation hehe). As long as it is YOUR decision, you can do whatever you want to do.

I was always really excited about turning 18 and as soon as I did I was like s*** take me back to being 7 again where I could play in a park all day without worrying about getting home to cook dinner! Adult life is scary, making decisions is super scary, having responsibilities is even scarier!! But taking one hurdle at a time allows you to win the race and let me tell you alright, anxiety is the hardest contestant you will ever run against in your whole life. But don't dwell on it my friend, just keep trying. If you are doing what you want to do then don't worry about anything else.

Now I am being such a hypocrite here (gasp) because I currently am not doing what I want to do and I cannot decide what exactly it is that I want to do! But that doesn't mean I am not trying. That little squeaking hamster in my head is running full speed on that wheel day and night and I'm trying to tell him to stop and rest but no...because he is not ready to and that means neither am I until I find what is right for ME. Sometimes you have to be selfish to find out what you want and what is right for you but at the end of it all, if you are happy you will make the others around you happy too, you will radiate positive vibes and YOU will become the sunshine of someone's life- just like I'm sure you are of there's.

To round this post off I would like to finish with another quote from my dad. He is the reason why I believe mindfulness is so important in this life and he is the only person who truly understands just how much my anxiety gets in the way of making the simplest of decisions:

"Just laugh at yourself and say...You really are a dickhead!"

Happy reading!